Theres a Place I know if you're Looking for a Show..

UGHHH I haven't posted in FOREVER! Anyways, here we go. Cinderella was a girl who's step sisters were total bitches. They made her clean up their messes and they tried shooting at her with shot guns from afar. Every now and then, they would throw knives at her bedroom door, and try to poison her food. They just hated her so much, that they hired a mafia to follow her around...and the rest shall not be mentioned. Also, the step mom was a total meanie bo beanie. She hated that her daughters were horridly ugly, so she picked on Cinderella. For example, instead of telling Cinderblock to go to her room, she would poor hot oils onto Cinder and then Cinder would know that she means that she is grounded. Soon enough, Cinde got fed up and smoked a bunch of pot. It happened to be Halloween time, so they had pumpkins outside of their house and whatever. Well, because she was high off her ass, Cinderella saw the pumpkin and sat on it, trying to ride it to this magnificent ball, which happened to just be a house party down the street. After arriving at the party, she saw this cute guy, and she started to flirt with him, then she puked on her shoes, so she took them off and ran...then he was all like WHY THE FUCK DID THAT GIRL PUKE ON HER SHOES?!?!? Then he tried to find her by her shoe size. Sucks for him, because she had the average shoe size...size six. Good luck with that one, genius. Eventually, after many days of stalking, he found her. And they got married, had 15 children, then divorced. Moral of the story: Don't smoke weed, don't ride pumpkins, and don't puke on random people's shoes.

Sorry for the short post!
Longer post next time!
xoxo Jess

The Boys are Back

Hi! It's me, again. If you're lucky, I may just talk about something other than fairy tales today! Let's have a go :D Goldilocks. So many things I can say about her....sooooo many things. Hmm...maybe Gold and Red were cousins. They both have a color in their name (as far as I'm concerned), and they both go for walks alone in woods with dangerous animals lurking around. Goodie goodie!! This is how the story goes down: Goldi was walking through the woods like a loony. Maybe she was looking for a vampire. Maybe she was looking for Barney. Or maybe, just maybe, she was looking for a good ol' house to raid. Then again, maybe she was looking for Barney the Vampire's house to raid :) At least she was polite and knocked on the door. If she didn't, then I would have a real rant...Little G didn't think "Hey, I'll just come back later.". Nope. She just walked right on in. Now, all that breaking and entering made Goldi hungry. "Now that I just broke into a house in the middle of the woods where no one can hear my screams if something were to happen, I'm gonna just eat this food that's sitting here on the counter." If Gold were smart, she would think "Hey, I'm gonna get my ass out of here ASAP!!!", but no. She didn't. It must be a family thing. Anyways, Little G proceeded to eat the porridge just sitting on the counter. "OW! This porridge is fricking hot!!!!" G screamed like a flying monkey. Thank good golly goodness no one hear her! Hahaha, even I have to laugh at that. Whatta idiot. "Now I will eat this porridge. EWW!! It's cold. Gosh. Why the hell did I break into a house where the people here can't even cook?!" Finally, the little bitch ate the last bowl of porridge. "It's really bland. At least it's room temp." Then, she ate the glass bowl like a gremlin, and went into the living room. After shoving some decorations into her purse, she sat in a chair. "WOW! First these people can't even cook some freaking porridge, now this chair is too big. Damn it all!!!" After throwing a temper tantrum, Goldilocks sat in the other chair. "Why the fuck is this chair big, too?!??!" (If you haven't picked it up yet, Goldi swore like a sailor.) After using some much needed process of elimination, she sat in the little chair. "Well, this chair is uncomfortable, but at least it's not as big as the other chairs." Now, I, personally, happen to like sitting in big chairs. They make me feel powerful. But what the bitch wants, the bitch gets. Then, after that, fatzo shattered the chair. Good job. First you break in, then you eat their food, then steal, then break their chair! What's wrong with her?!?! Anyways, Then the bears come home (if you didn't already know that, bears own the house. Sweet, innocent, child eating bears.) They are all like "WHO ATE ME PORRIDGE ARRRRG!!" while Goldiface ran upstairs like a sneaky sneaker. She was like "Ugh. I'm tired. Oh so tired. All that rabble rousing tires me out." After saying that, she went upstairs and tried to sleep in their beds. "This one is so hard. Why does this always happen to me???!"  Then, she sat in the next one. "This one is too soft for my hard-to-please-ness (??)!!!!" Then, she went to the last one..and guess what happened next? "THIS BED IS BUMPY!!! WHY OH WHY!!!!!" And all that yelling made Little G tired, so she just passed out. Maybe it was something in the porridge. We will never know. Anyways, the bears saw that they were missing a few family photos, and that the little bear's chair was broken, so they went upstairs to see if the little hooligan was still in their house. What did they discover? Yes. Yes she was still there. Then the biggest bear, Daddy Bear, Big Daddy, if you will, pulled out a gun and told Goldie that she owed them money...and that the IRS was after her. Goldie screamed, then did a little dance number to "The Boys are  Back" from High School Musical 3, then jumped out of the closest window, and broke her leg. Hahahaha, that's karma for you, bitch. Anyways, as the real world goes, I have nothing really to rant about for today, because I've been sick for the last two days :/ On the other hand, I realized that my parents get even more excited for Glee than I do. Oh dear. Besides that, I have nothing else to really say for today, but tomorrow, I will try my hardest to get some interesting snippet of some sort into the ending of the blog next time (By the way, according to the first line, you were not lucky. Play again! L:)!! Well, that's all for now!

Something new next time.
xoxo Jess

 

Let's Do the Time Warp Again

Hiya! How is everyone? It seems like forever since I've posted last, even if it really was yesterday. Okay, enough sense making. Shall we start then? Little Red Ridding Hood. That story said a lot to me. For example, I'm now afraid of woods, people with red capes, wolves, people with sharp teeth, and shower caps. Not to mention strangers. Hairy strangers. Viscous hairy strangers with sharp teeth and yellow eyes that live in woods and tell you how beautiful your features are then eat you. Woah..I think I just described Edward Cullen....well...I'm not sure about the hairy part..but still...haha anyways, Little Red Riding Hood. Let me just dissect this a little so that you can see the physiological damage behind this twisted tale. There was a girl, and she had to bring her grandmother food, because her grandmother was sick. No, no, no. Granny couldn't call Red's parents. That would ruin the plot line. Also, Granny lives in the middle of a woods full of wolves. Locks are overrated, so G-ma doesn't lock her door. The really unsettling part about the wolves is that either the wolves talked, which is totally unnatural, or before leaving her house, Red smoked a shit load of opium before leaving because if she had to walk through a fricking woods to give her grandma lunch, then screw this! Why not be under the influence?? Sure made the walk more fun..And while your in the middle of a forest with wolves and other animals in it, why not stick out like a sore thumb and wear a red jacket in the middle of the greenery. REALLY?? Dumb-shit. Read up on forest safety. Smokey the Bear could have rapped you, and you wouldn't give a damn. As long as you still have your red riding hood. Anyways, when she got to Grammy's house, the wolf was there. I'm pretty sure I missed something...but oh well..haha. Well, the wolf ate Grandma because she was being a lazy lady and tried to get her granddaughter killed. It's called karma. Then Red was giving the wolf compliments, because a wolf dressed in elderly woman's attire looks so un-obvious. Idiot. Then something else happened. And I think they all died or something. Now, this is how it would have gone down in the 21st century. Little Red was on the internet. Her grandma wrote on Red's Facebook (I do not own Facebook or have anything to do with it. I am just a member.) wall and said "Hey. Texted you parents and they are out dancing on tables at the local bar. Can you come over to my house and bring me food because I don't wanna get up. I'm too comfy." And Red commented "Fine." Then, Red walked to her grandma's house with a Starbucks (I have nothing to do with Starbucks, except for being a consumer of their delightful coffee drinks :3) Chai Latte and a homemade sammich. Oh, I forgot the best part. Red was holding a huge sign that said in bold colors: "Pick me up. I don't have any parents with me, and I dropped my cellphone in the toilet, so It's not of any use. Oh, and I'm losing my voice, so I can't really scream for help. And I do not carry a rape whistle on my person. That's all. Have a nice day. :)". Yes. I know. That's a lot to fit on a sign, but we are besides that. Did I mention that Red was walking through a busy city?? Full of viscous hairy strangers with sharp teeth and yellow eyes that live in woods and tell you how beautiful your features are then eat you.. but those people decided to go to the city to pick up children and they happened to be cannibals. Oh, and they liked puppies, candy, butterflies, and unicorns <:O). Then someone followed Red to her Grandmother's house and ate Red's grandma...Then they all died..because of Red's poor planing....But did I mention that she had a pipe bomb in her pocket at the time??? Yeah. She did. So she blew up the house before the stalker could eat her sammiches. That's all. The end.

Hmm.. Due to my poor timing, I have no more time to finish this blog and write something meaningful. The main moral of this story is to stay away from strangers and never go somewhere alone with a stranger, or even in a big city. Carry a cell phone....ect. Oh, and also, don't trust Edward Cullen...or smoke opium before going on a walk in the woods.
I love you all!!!
xoxo Jess

I'm Mr. Brightside

The ugly duckling. God, as much as I hated that story, it plays into life. Some how. I hated that story, because this is all I got out of it: you are ugly. Everyone else has it easier than you because they're pretty. Sucks for you. You get picked last because no one likes you. Every night, you dream of being beautiful, and when you wake up and you go to look at the mirror, you believe that you are. Then you go out and off to, hmm, lets say, school. Why not. and when you get there, feeling all pretty and such, you see them. The pretty people flaunting their pretty-ness. Then you grow up and get pretty, but you are scared for life because people always taunted you. You can't be normal and be pretty like everyone else. You have to wait for it. You lucky duck. Pun intended. After being left out and made fun of, even bullied, when you grow up into a beautiful swan, its not really worth it anymore, now is it? Anyways, this story reminds me of those people who can get whatever they want without trying. Okay, Sorry for getting MAJORLY off topic. But in each blog, I will probably end up babbling about something totally irrelevant. I don't try to do this, but I guess then someone will get how I perceive things haha...any who, I noticed something today. You know those kids?

The ones that just make you mad without trying. Yeah. Those ones. They piss me off soooooooo much even though they don't mean to. But there are two in particular. Maybe it's jealousy. Most likely, it's jealousy. Maybe even clingyness, if that's a word. Anyways, I'm getting off topic. There's this one girl at my school who is MEGA popular. It bugs me. Only because she has everything she wants, she gets instant status. It's like drinking chocolate milk and having a waterfall of chocolaty goodness pop up in front of you. That would be freakin' sweet!!! But noooo sir-ie! Shes the born pretty duckling, but someday. Someday soon. She will realize that having Miss Me Jeans and being a snot will not get you anywhere in life!! Okay. That is all that I needed to get out...for now :3 now for the next person...haha sorry for bashing. It's just something that I need to get out. *SCREAMS VIOLENTLY FOR ABOUT THREE SECONDS. MAYBE FOUR*. There we go :) now, where were we? Oh yes... So, I was best friends with this one person, then this new girl comes. I really want to be her friend (the new girl's...and I guess my other friend, too), I mean, I try. But it's like really weird. I got my friend to watch an Invader Zim episode because its one of my favorite shows. She wanted to watch it, too, so it was a win win. Then this new girl came, who is awesome by the way, and her and my friend walk practically arm in arm, and they make iron on Invader Zim t-shirts and jackets. That's not the part that bugs me tho. Me and my friend planned a sleepover last weekend a week or two in advance, and then this new girl is like "Oh. Hi Jess. I'm going to ____'s house on Saturday. It's gonna be so awesome! We're gonna watch an Invader Zim marathon and shes gonna come to my cheer practice and......" babble babble babble. We made plans on Saturday. I said that we should have an IZ marathon. GRRR!! Haha, yes I know that it's a TV show, but...no. Okay, no. Not gonna go there. Haha. On a different note, we are studying Shakespeare in English. Well, more like Shakespeare's play "As You Like It". We had to do little skits from sections of the play. Not really that fun. Besides that, today is just one of those days when people are in bad moods. My mom, for example, is one of those people. But I figured out how to not let these unpleasant mood swings of the people around me effect me. I watch random videos. Of music, of people, of explosions, of documentaries, of Spanish people singing, ect. and I have two of them for you :D They're at the bottom of the page for you all to watch :) the reason why I watch these videos is because what I learned is that when you are in a crab-ass mood, the people around you become total assholes. These videos make me oh so happy. OH SO HAPPY. So, after I showed my mom this video, she stopped being a mad face. See? Magic. Well, that's enough babbling for today.

More to come.
xoxo Jess

Today's quote: "Some people dream of success... while others wake up and work hard at it." - Author unknown.

Take a Chance

Hey. Welcome to my first blog post! :)
It's really weird, if you think about it. You know, writing a blog, and maybe no one will read it. Maybe a lot of people will read it. Maybe, just one person will read it. You never know. It's silly, to think about how obsessive someone like me can be about the little things, but I guess that's how I was made. Sure, I won't obsess over who will read this, but its the minuscule, not as important things (to some people, the word "stupid" is involved) that really win me over. For example, I texted my friend for ten minutes at the very least on what I should name my blog. Finally, I asked her about the name "Let the Dark Illuminate the Unknown", and she said "that sounds  cool". Again, it's the little things that I stress about. The little things are the ones that I remember. But then again, no one is going to be yourself for you, right? If that made any sense :3
I really want to blog about life and school and such, but maybe that's generic. We'll see. So, here it goes...kinda....

You know that one song that people used to sing on long bus rides? The one that goes like this: "Hey, my name is  (insert name here) and you know what I got?! (the other people reply "what do you got?") I got a (you can say anything you want here) that is hotter than hot! (everyone else yells "how hot is hot?") bat man and super (here, you can say super man or super freak) (everyone else says "uh huh uh huh")" then I forgot the rest, but  you say something then someone else starts. I don't know if it's just with me, but when I get called on, I just try to end it as fast as possible, which means mumbling or shouting like I'm actually enjoying it (which I'm not) because, it's not people just singing to you...they are screaming as if they demand that you tell them what is 'hotter than hot' and if you don't, you just ruined the game. Hahahahahaha. I have no idea why I just rambled on about that, but hey, it's a blog. That's what you are supposed to do :) Oh, and I will also try to post at least once a week or so :D

Real post coming soon.
Thanks for reading :)
Looovvee Jess :3